ok I feel like 2 out of 5 pucks today, but I am going to ACT like I am 4 out of 5 pucks.
I think it goes thoughts, emotions actions, so I am going to empower my will and choose to be more up then I feel and not just lethergical. Being bipolar is always so much of our actions get dictated by how we feel and I know that it is supremely hard for everyone, but fact of the matter is alot of people have it alot worse and they get on everyday.
Check out the movie "black gold" a fair trade coffee documentary. Now those guys sort out coffee beans for 8 hours a day for 50 cents. Those women weren't working in a gleeful way like they were at some party. They were probrably as depressed as you can get yet they still faithfully went to work because, you guessed it: straving to death is far worse than crying the "woe is me blues"
And I do that lot. So I am going to try something different today. Pray hard for me and I'll tell you how it goes.
Father,
In Nehemiah you say " Do not sorrow for the joy of the Lord will be your strength" so help those eternal words ring true for us. Be the giddiness and laughter of our souls as we go through the darkness today and turn it into light.
In the strong name of Jesus we pray
amen
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Caught in Depression
ok...here's where reality set in. I have been doing good --off & on-- for the past couple weeks, but I am stressed out about going back to work. Let me backtrack a bit.
1.5 out of 5 pucks
I work at Canada Post, but I started a new business route (usually I do lovely Residential mail boxes) and this is a heavy route---heavy with deadlines and tons of parcels. (Picture your vehicle packed to the hilt with moving boxes that have to be delivered all over the city in a few hours and you'll get the idea.) I have been off on "mental health leave" for 3 weeks now ( did i tell you Canada Post has an awesome mental health program....that minimizes us posties going postal!), but come Monday I will be back again.
*sigh* regardless, I guess I can always find other work.
On a high note: we have decided to move back to Calgary, Alberta in the Springtime. There, we will finally own a house and I will finish my schooling to be an elementary school music teacher. (Yes I have decided that I am going to focus, focus, focus on this. A career & a house for my little girls. Sounds good eh?
I have to remember : beliefs, thoughts, actions - face it, trace it replace it.
I cannot let these low emotions rule me...I will face the lies, trace the wrong beliefs about myself and replace them with productive and life giving truth.
Oh and I am also going to pray to Jesus, my righteous, saving and delivering KIng alot.
So between Jesus & my Dr. Phil-like self- counselling sessions I will overcome....c'mon lets end this week with 5 out of 5 pucks.
I covet your prayers. There is no stronger force in the universe to bring God's peace and wellness to people.
Now God of Mercy & Wellness,
Please bring real peace, real comfort, real truth and real joy to those of us experiencing dark timess. Shine your unbreakable light and love into out lives and strengthen us to live and overcome all evil.
In Jesus Name
R
1.5 out of 5 pucks
I work at Canada Post, but I started a new business route (usually I do lovely Residential mail boxes) and this is a heavy route---heavy with deadlines and tons of parcels. (Picture your vehicle packed to the hilt with moving boxes that have to be delivered all over the city in a few hours and you'll get the idea.) I have been off on "mental health leave" for 3 weeks now ( did i tell you Canada Post has an awesome mental health program....that minimizes us posties going postal!), but come Monday I will be back again.
*sigh* regardless, I guess I can always find other work.
On a high note: we have decided to move back to Calgary, Alberta in the Springtime. There, we will finally own a house and I will finish my schooling to be an elementary school music teacher. (Yes I have decided that I am going to focus, focus, focus on this. A career & a house for my little girls. Sounds good eh?
I have to remember : beliefs, thoughts, actions - face it, trace it replace it.
I cannot let these low emotions rule me...I will face the lies, trace the wrong beliefs about myself and replace them with productive and life giving truth.
Oh and I am also going to pray to Jesus, my righteous, saving and delivering KIng alot.
So between Jesus & my Dr. Phil-like self- counselling sessions I will overcome....c'mon lets end this week with 5 out of 5 pucks.
I covet your prayers. There is no stronger force in the universe to bring God's peace and wellness to people.
Now God of Mercy & Wellness,
Please bring real peace, real comfort, real truth and real joy to those of us experiencing dark timess. Shine your unbreakable light and love into out lives and strengthen us to live and overcome all evil.
In Jesus Name
R
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
The Vocational Bipolar Chameleon
The Vocational Bipolar Chameleon comes in many forms. A rather docile, yet wildly creative creature, this 36 year old male has a history of being a life skills instructor (2 years), job developer (5 years) and has most recently adapted to the shape of a Canadian "Postie" or mail man (3 months). He bores easy and has yet to settle into a full satisfying career. While once a kids pastor and gigging guitarist & lead vocalist, he is toying around with melding his passion for teaching & music and being an (wait for it..) elementary music school teacher! 3 years of a Creative Writing major and History minor means 2 years of schooling to go...This added to his nightly guitar teaching position at a local high school may be the majik formula to give this bipolar animal a meaningful life to boot...he just needs to believe in the dream strong enough and amplify the courage building effects of some good counselling and meds....
I know statistically bipolars have a hard time keeping jobs, but there are a few who inspire the rest of us in the herd to make f/t jobs happen. ( herd from Lizzy Simon's -"Detour: Bipolar road trip in 4-D"...awesome book -www.lizziesimon.com
Now may the God who kingdomizes us with gifts, skills and talents to leave a legacy for the world, help us to own who he has made us to be and have the boldness to see our dreams become reality.Amen
4.5 out of 5 pucks....feelin purdy optimistic today...and a shout out to my bipolar Dad homeboy J at http://jsbipolarblog.blogspot.com/
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
sleep
3 out of 5 pucks today
sometimes sleep really helps me fire on all cylinders and is the missing ingredient to having a full belly and an ungrumpy mood. I am a bear when I lack in either bed time or fridge time.
Sure I escape life when in a low period by sleeping but I like to think of it as doing a hard "reset" and trying to wake up in a better mood.
any thoughts on this matter? What sayest thou?
God who orders the day and night:
Grant us deep rest so our bodies, souls & spirits reflect your eternal peace
and we may have our facilities sharpened to beat the mental disorder that threatens to dismember us.
In the strong name of Jesus we pray.
Amen
sometimes sleep really helps me fire on all cylinders and is the missing ingredient to having a full belly and an ungrumpy mood. I am a bear when I lack in either bed time or fridge time.
Sure I escape life when in a low period by sleeping but I like to think of it as doing a hard "reset" and trying to wake up in a better mood.
any thoughts on this matter? What sayest thou?
God who orders the day and night:
Grant us deep rest so our bodies, souls & spirits reflect your eternal peace
and we may have our facilities sharpened to beat the mental disorder that threatens to dismember us.
In the strong name of Jesus we pray.
Amen
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
To move or not move in with Bipolar FiL
Well here's another twist in the rather unordinary life of the bipolar canuck.
My wife's parents & brothers from Calgary have offered to help buy us a house if we move back to Alberta and leave beautiful BC.
This is the 3rd time someone has offered to buy us a house.
But the cost? It may be a heavy emotional price but with pros and cons...
My FiL was diagnosed bipolar a year before we got married and two years before I was. He is a classic bp I, with huge control issues. My wife is loathe to enter that family system again, as she feels she was able to individuate more once we moved to BC and settled in lovely Langley (1hour outside Vancouver, BC). They are lovely people, way healthier than my crazy family and unlike my blood relatives, the inLaws would be able to help look after the girls...and we could go on date nights more and have some babysitting help.
But the flipside is we always end up doing things their way. It is kinds weird, but unless we give my FiL the reigns, their is just an air of weirdness that can ruin any family gathering. The bp bond we have as his son in law though does unite us in some ways, but he is still a "closet" bipolar and never admits or openly talks about his condition unlike blabber-mouth here :P
He is also unable to work due to the severity of his illness, and I can still (hopefully) do p/t now and then.
Anyways is a house worth personal freedom? I wonder sometimes...It sure would beat my 2 bedroom basement suite and we gotta think of the girls....but we also don't want to live under a totalitarian reign again.
Plus BK our super shrink is here and he is my "non=medication" talk therapy that keeps me and the Mrs. in bipolar blissland,
ack.
God of all wisdom who knows our hearts and the plights of thousands of broke gen-X ers, who are forced into servitude with their parents.....grant us loving widsom to make the best decision, in any and all bp situations.
Because you love us with an everlasting love.
amen
My wife's parents & brothers from Calgary have offered to help buy us a house if we move back to Alberta and leave beautiful BC.
This is the 3rd time someone has offered to buy us a house.
But the cost? It may be a heavy emotional price but with pros and cons...
My FiL was diagnosed bipolar a year before we got married and two years before I was. He is a classic bp I, with huge control issues. My wife is loathe to enter that family system again, as she feels she was able to individuate more once we moved to BC and settled in lovely Langley (1hour outside Vancouver, BC). They are lovely people, way healthier than my crazy family and unlike my blood relatives, the inLaws would be able to help look after the girls...and we could go on date nights more and have some babysitting help.
But the flipside is we always end up doing things their way. It is kinds weird, but unless we give my FiL the reigns, their is just an air of weirdness that can ruin any family gathering. The bp bond we have as his son in law though does unite us in some ways, but he is still a "closet" bipolar and never admits or openly talks about his condition unlike blabber-mouth here :P
He is also unable to work due to the severity of his illness, and I can still (hopefully) do p/t now and then.
Anyways is a house worth personal freedom? I wonder sometimes...It sure would beat my 2 bedroom basement suite and we gotta think of the girls....but we also don't want to live under a totalitarian reign again.
Plus BK our super shrink is here and he is my "non=medication" talk therapy that keeps me and the Mrs. in bipolar blissland,
ack.
God of all wisdom who knows our hearts and the plights of thousands of broke gen-X ers, who are forced into servitude with their parents.....grant us loving widsom to make the best decision, in any and all bp situations.
Because you love us with an everlasting love.
amen
Monday, July 21, 2008
check it out - Indonesian Dark Knight
I know I suck at photoshop but this is a test for my facebook pic. Not having a bp episode...but lotsa fun on my macbook :)
A Bonifide Professional Bipolar Counselor
Donald Kern, Marriage and Family Therapist
AND he was clinically diagnosed with bipolar disorder 34 years ago and "has been medicated for bipolar for the last 24 years"
You can find more about this bp guru at: and read his new blog here:
SO super cool. Its like so many good shrinks out there talk ABOUT the water but have never been in the "ocean" so to speak.
This guy obviously is an olympic swimmer in manic-depressive issues and knows how to navigate the waters smoothly.
Be encouraged.
God who created us for his pleasure and well being:
Restore to us our minds, hearts and souls through Jesus Christ and his saving work so
that we can be free from mental illness and the battles that rage inside. Govern us in your love
for Christ's sake
amen
R
AND he was clinically diagnosed with bipolar disorder 34 years ago and "has been medicated for bipolar for the last 24 years"
You can find more about this bp guru at: and read his new blog here:
SO super cool. Its like so many good shrinks out there talk ABOUT the water but have never been in the "ocean" so to speak.
This guy obviously is an olympic swimmer in manic-depressive issues and knows how to navigate the waters smoothly.
Be encouraged.
God who created us for his pleasure and well being:
Restore to us our minds, hearts and souls through Jesus Christ and his saving work so
that we can be free from mental illness and the battles that rage inside. Govern us in your love
for Christ's sake
amen
R
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Looking at our good friend Lithium---responses?
Let's get right down to then business shall we?
Just wondering how much lithium everyone is on out there. I take 1 capsule of 300 mg of lithium goodness before I go to sleep. I did take myself off of lithium for 2 years, but then this last fall I had a gi-normous deppression that left me inert and in bed for 3 days and that's when the voice of reason said to meself " This is not good". I went crawling back to my shrink, went back on "L"
and through in some counselling sessions to help sort myself out. It was that epifanny that made me accept that i was bipolar and start talking about it openly. I have been an "out of the closet (well to a group of 6 friends) bipolar" for 10 months now and so far so good.
Anticipating and being honest with my mood disorder sure has helped my wife out alot and I do think I recover faster because of my newfound support system.
Today according to the "Puck of Well-being chart" I am gauging myself at: 4 out of 5 pucks again!
So yeah just tell me how much "L" is being medicated to you and we'll talk about the results soon.
Now may the God of peace fill you with all joy and peace in believing that you would abound in solid,unbreakable hope by the power of the unseen, always present, always real Holy Spirit. (Book of Romans)
Amen
R
Just wondering how much lithium everyone is on out there. I take 1 capsule of 300 mg of lithium goodness before I go to sleep. I did take myself off of lithium for 2 years, but then this last fall I had a gi-normous deppression that left me inert and in bed for 3 days and that's when the voice of reason said to meself " This is not good". I went crawling back to my shrink, went back on "L"
and through in some counselling sessions to help sort myself out. It was that epifanny that made me accept that i was bipolar and start talking about it openly. I have been an "out of the closet (well to a group of 6 friends) bipolar" for 10 months now and so far so good.
Anticipating and being honest with my mood disorder sure has helped my wife out alot and I do think I recover faster because of my newfound support system.
Today according to the "Puck of Well-being chart" I am gauging myself at: 4 out of 5 pucks again!
So yeah just tell me how much "L" is being medicated to you and we'll talk about the results soon.
Now may the God of peace fill you with all joy and peace in believing that you would abound in solid,unbreakable hope by the power of the unseen, always present, always real Holy Spirit. (Book of Romans)
Amen
R
Introducing...
Ok here we go:
I finally have a topic I can write on endlessly: my daily adventures with bipolar mania. I have been greatly encouraged by the plethora of great bp (bipolar) bloggers out there and would like to add my writings to those of my esteemed peers and colleagues!
Now here is a little something to take the edge off of the mystery of who I am:
javanese-chinese. canadian born. young father of two beautiful girls-a toddler and 4 month old, husband of one hot and sexy croatian german babe. former vineyard worship leader and church planter. former kids pastor. a bonefide "postie" (letter carrier/"mail guy") for canada post. guitar instructor. songwriter extraordinaire and performer. 2nd year creative writing major, poet, lover of dc & marvel comics. job developer. novice graphic designer. owner going nowhere print business: redleafdesigns.ca. foodie and gordon ramsay enthusiast (mophead!). dreamer. visionary. known as "he-who-starts-many-projects-but-completes-none". uber-funny. ENTP personality.
Diagnosis: Soft Bipolar II with a broken cycling system (I am up for 2 months and then down for 1 week and then up for 2 days...the clutch needs to be adjusted?)
Hospitalizations: one, back in 2001...and that was more than enough thank you...
Drugs that inhabit by system: lithium, 1 dose 300 delicious mgs
Counsellors: BK in Langley. He rocks and does therapy for my lovely wife as well
Current mood: 4 out of 5 pucks [the canadian hockey puck will be our symbol of clarity and mental well being....beautiful, hard, rubbery and great on ice]
alrightee then. I will blog more later. Thank you for letting me share. And I will always end my posts with a prayer:
Now may the God who makes all things beautiful and right, show you his relentless love and care for you and may he empower your will to choose the best way for your heart to go. Be well
I finally have a topic I can write on endlessly: my daily adventures with bipolar mania. I have been greatly encouraged by the plethora of great bp (bipolar) bloggers out there and would like to add my writings to those of my esteemed peers and colleagues!
Now here is a little something to take the edge off of the mystery of who I am:
javanese-chinese. canadian born. young father of two beautiful girls-a toddler and 4 month old, husband of one hot and sexy croatian german babe. former vineyard worship leader and church planter. former kids pastor. a bonefide "postie" (letter carrier/"mail guy") for canada post. guitar instructor. songwriter extraordinaire and performer. 2nd year creative writing major, poet, lover of dc & marvel comics. job developer. novice graphic designer. owner going nowhere print business: redleafdesigns.ca. foodie and gordon ramsay enthusiast (mophead!). dreamer. visionary. known as "he-who-starts-many-projects-but-completes-none". uber-funny. ENTP personality.
Diagnosis: Soft Bipolar II with a broken cycling system (I am up for 2 months and then down for 1 week and then up for 2 days...the clutch needs to be adjusted?)
Hospitalizations: one, back in 2001...and that was more than enough thank you...
Drugs that inhabit by system: lithium, 1 dose 300 delicious mgs
Counsellors: BK in Langley. He rocks and does therapy for my lovely wife as well
Current mood: 4 out of 5 pucks [the canadian hockey puck will be our symbol of clarity and mental well being....beautiful, hard, rubbery and great on ice]
alrightee then. I will blog more later. Thank you for letting me share. And I will always end my posts with a prayer:
Now may the God who makes all things beautiful and right, show you his relentless love and care for you and may he empower your will to choose the best way for your heart to go. Be well
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