1st store/ "Birthday guy"

1st children's store had another 3 child turn out.
Well 2 new kids from FB and 1 from church.

6 CDS are in store. Sold to date: 0/6

Zero.

On the bright side,I am really relieved and content to be the
"birthday guy"
There are a lot of children musicians that end up just being p/t performers
Or entertainers that no one knows shit about.
I googled tons.
Not everyone gets to be like B&L on Treehouse.

I get it.
S
Now I can lower my expectations of myself and stop stressing over trying to be the next fucking wiggles. Fuck.

So glad I did not book a huge venue for a Saturday show: like fuckin Trico, I would be throwing away another:$800

Feel a lot of peace about finding another job. Hope I get called back for this $20hr family worker job.

Seacrest out!

Remember your limitations-act wisely

So I have neither the talent or the resources to take my kids music business further.

That is just the hardcore reality.

My family suffers if I do not attempt to be responsible and make a living that supports all of our needs.

Unless God opens more doors,there is little I can do:

I have lost 2 huge clients since I started this business including:
-PreKindergarten
-Appletree

Smaller
-Great Beginnings

I have also lost ALL of my audience from last years
cedarbrae concerts. ALL of them.
Unless I can work huge shows Fri-sun,it is not gonna happen.

I will have to run music classes like everyone else

I also still want to move to Vancouver and that will definitely NOT happen
If nothing changes with my income

It has been a great ride.

Time to go forward and look ahead.

Rv

hello- I can't sleep

1 out of 5 pucks

Only manic insomneia of epic porportions would drive me to blog again. I have slept for 2 hours tonight (coming on 4:39am!) and am fucking bipolar and stressing out over my sister in the hospital (3 week mental break own...my twin...it does not look goood) and just the shitty news that our "home" will be such for 4 years until our Landlord kicks us out and moves back in. I just hate being transient. I hate--no ---WE hate not owning our own house. And we are doing such a fucking good job of fixing everything up, the landlord can't wait to retire here and move back!!
ahh fuck. I need to pray and relax and ask the only One who can help me to still my heart and pour out love and grace.

Bipolar Dragon 1, Canuck 0

Freaky dragon eh? Fear not I have a tendency to over-exagerrate when I am bp cycling...
1.5 out of 5 pucks

True Believers I am stresssssed!
The BP Dragon is being held at bay by the repeated bashing of my shield of perpetual anxiety. I nay say I know the future and BP Dragon is using that as his offensive. I emotionally bleed freely at the moment.

We gave our months notice and are uncertain of where my young family shall reside in next.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Oh well stay tuned folks and 'hang onto your fuk'in hats!"

God hear me
God help me
God house me and my family in something we can afford.

sick, but not with too much bipolar

4.75 out of 5 pucks.

Hey everyone. I am living in Calgary now and I am still feeling pretty good and stable. So this will be a boring blog.
Oh and I am sick--think its a cold or just feeling run down from going mental and applying for tons of work everywhere. I am still jobless, but the guitar ads go in next week and I should be able to gather some newbies who want to learn guitar.

Oh and my long ago friend M disclosed to me that she also has bipolar. hurray. as great as it is to have cyber bp friends, it is also great to know people you went to church with are also bp. ok then we are waiting for chinese food to come cause we are all too sick to cook!

God please heal me and my sick family and bless all those who love you and especially those whom nobody loves.
In Jesus name. amen

Getting "high" on change

Ok so we move out tomorrow and I have been awake since 3:30am (ir is 6am now)

on a sliding scale I am on the precipice of 3 out of 5 pucks...still feeling good but a little stressed.

Getting "high" on change is something that is not exclusively for bipolars. While I do think I get high on new ideas, new environments, anything exciting to me, I think everyone in the world lives this way. Y'know the dreamers who are always "Man once I get that promotion life will be GREAT!" ANd it might. But I guess just the reality of crashing after you go up the
"bipolar mountain" and then crash ass-forward down the other side to the "low" stage is something we as a family are bracing for. My counsellor kept hitting me with the solid words of wisdom "you know that moving to Calgary won't solve all your problems" and sometimes that is just what we need to hear, so you can tackle the same old problems in new ways; knowing it is gonna take some time to make sure these problems go away for good. Man I need a whiskey. (I am enamoured with 15 year old single malt Scotch.....just a low tumbler and nothing that rocks the lithium dose that is keeping me ohhh so happy)

God of time and places,
Shelter us, protect and guide us as we make our trek to Alberta. Surround us with your unfailing love and help my girls as they
adjust to a new frontier. We trust in you alone Mighty God. And give us much wisdom as we lay down roots in our new home.
In Jesus Name

Why up?

my future home of Calgary..sooo small yet prosperous with oil

Captain...we are still cruising full steam ahead at 4.8 out of 5 pucks.

So I ain't gonna lie....I still feel great! Now it has been over two weeks since I have had any major down days and do you ever wonder when the other shoe is gonna drop? Like what is helping me sustain this level-headed mood I am in. I know that I am learning that whenever there is change (i.e. moving to Calgary in 7 days) I can start to live off the "high" and excitment of something ohh sooo different from the soup d'jour as we say in Canadian. But this seems kinda like analyzing a kiss. Let's just enjoy the ride while we climb "sunshine mountain" shall we because I must say the view is spectacular!

God that shines in our hearts and gives us all joy and peace & provision. We give you the our hearts in undying devotion cause your mercy is never ending. You rock Lord!

Counsellor, You shall be missed!

Today we had our last session with BK, our counsellor extraodinaire !
He has helped facilitate some of the safest times in the rocky world of being in a Bp marriage. He has been able to call out and "champion" as my wife calls it the best in each of us and we are so sad to leave the healing walls of his therapeutic practice behind us in BC. He was a friend as well as a marriage and family therapist and we are praying to find a shrink & therapist in AB to match that hight level of soul & medical care in Calgary. It comes down as well to finding true support for us with Atara's family so near and hopefully some christian community that will embrace us like a family.

Father thank you for BK and all the people he helps Bp and otherwise. Thank you for his shepherding heart and please bring us another shepherd to help us in counselling and life with bp. You are ever wise & ever loving.
In Jesus name

Caught in Depression

ok...here's where reality set in. I have been doing good --off & on-- for the past couple weeks, but I am stressed out about going back to work. Let me backtrack a bit.

1.5 out of 5 pucks

I work at Canada Post, but I started a new business route (usually I do lovely Residential mail boxes) and this is a heavy route---heavy with deadlines and tons of parcels. (Picture your vehicle packed to the hilt with moving boxes that have to be delivered all over the city in a few hours and you'll get the idea.) I have been off on "mental health leave" for 3 weeks now ( did i tell you Canada Post has an awesome mental health program....that minimizes us posties going postal!), but come Monday I will be back again.

*sigh* regardless, I guess I can always find other work.

On a high note: we have decided to move back to Calgary, Alberta in the Springtime. There, we will finally own a house and I will finish my schooling to be an elementary school music teacher. (Yes I have decided that I am going to focus, focus, focus on this. A career & a house for my little girls. Sounds good eh?

I have to remember : beliefs, thoughts, actions - face it, trace it replace it.

I cannot let these low emotions rule me...I will face the lies, trace the wrong beliefs about myself and replace them with productive and life giving truth.

Oh and I am also going to pray to Jesus, my righteous, saving and delivering KIng alot.

So between Jesus & my Dr. Phil-like self- counselling sessions I will overcome....c'mon lets end this week with 5 out of 5 pucks.

I covet your prayers. There is no stronger force in the universe to bring God's peace and wellness to people.

Now God of Mercy & Wellness,
Please bring real peace, real comfort, real truth and real joy to those of us experiencing dark timess. Shine your unbreakable light and love into out lives and strengthen us to live and overcome all evil.
In Jesus Name
R