Waiting

So I know that sometimes God just wants us to partner with him to work towards his loving purposes in our life.

The plan can be as vague as " work to provide for your family"

Rarely do I think that means he tells us EXACTLY what to do, but he gives you a bunch of options and clues to what you are good at.

So I am trying not to freak out when I have NO GOOD OPTIONS for work right now.

The kids music business is sucking ass now.

And nothing on the job market looks good or would fit into something p/t that I would like to do. So wait on God is my best approach.

Oh and I was in a low depression for about 13 days before today. Stress perhaps?

Refocus on Jesus

Lots of reconciling & business learning

Ok at the end of the day I get weirded out by people bartering with me for services.
3 coffee shops,1 bookstore, city of Calgary & libraries and YMCA & Discovery House Shelter and nobody haggles prices with me but this huge conglomerate says:

We spend $5000 on advertising so we need you to do 10 shows for free to pay for advertising your kids shows. Meanwhile everyone else is like " cool do my coffee shop lets split advertising. Bye

As well I am learning about spiritual warfare and not slandering anybody.
James 3: True wisdom

Gonna read it now.

Stay blessed!

Thank you for

Thank you God for letting me have this music job.

A lot of sacrifices have been made, and I should not grumble or complain when it is slow.

I need to be content, whether I am playing to 14 kids or none at all (like todays 'zero' audience).

I definitely can't hype it up. I may never get bigger than this: There isn't a promise that God gives you when you are following him to be rich or famous or talented or anything. It is just to be obedient.

I have truly tried to be that. and I am grateful for the opportunity.
It has been a good ride.

I also realize that I have not prayed hard into these things: wisdom in decisions made may have been more fruitful. Instead I have been manipulated by my own wisdom and insecurities.

I just lay the full weight of my future on Him. I fully trust Him to provide for all my needs----and my family's needs.

and it is probrably gonna mean another job but I am ok with that.

Thank you Lord

Remember your limitations-act wisely

So I have neither the talent or the resources to take my kids music business further.

That is just the hardcore reality.

My family suffers if I do not attempt to be responsible and make a living that supports all of our needs.

Unless God opens more doors,there is little I can do:

I have lost 2 huge clients since I started this business including:
-PreKindergarten
-Appletree

Smaller
-Great Beginnings

I have also lost ALL of my audience from last years
cedarbrae concerts. ALL of them.
Unless I can work huge shows Fri-sun,it is not gonna happen.

I will have to run music classes like everyone else

I also still want to move to Vancouver and that will definitely NOT happen
If nothing changes with my income

It has been a great ride.

Time to go forward and look ahead.

Rv

Getting "high" on change

Ok so we move out tomorrow and I have been awake since 3:30am (ir is 6am now)

on a sliding scale I am on the precipice of 3 out of 5 pucks...still feeling good but a little stressed.

Getting "high" on change is something that is not exclusively for bipolars. While I do think I get high on new ideas, new environments, anything exciting to me, I think everyone in the world lives this way. Y'know the dreamers who are always "Man once I get that promotion life will be GREAT!" ANd it might. But I guess just the reality of crashing after you go up the
"bipolar mountain" and then crash ass-forward down the other side to the "low" stage is something we as a family are bracing for. My counsellor kept hitting me with the solid words of wisdom "you know that moving to Calgary won't solve all your problems" and sometimes that is just what we need to hear, so you can tackle the same old problems in new ways; knowing it is gonna take some time to make sure these problems go away for good. Man I need a whiskey. (I am enamoured with 15 year old single malt Scotch.....just a low tumbler and nothing that rocks the lithium dose that is keeping me ohhh so happy)

God of time and places,
Shelter us, protect and guide us as we make our trek to Alberta. Surround us with your unfailing love and help my girls as they
adjust to a new frontier. We trust in you alone Mighty God. And give us much wisdom as we lay down roots in our new home.
In Jesus Name

Counsellor, You shall be missed!

Today we had our last session with BK, our counsellor extraodinaire !
He has helped facilitate some of the safest times in the rocky world of being in a Bp marriage. He has been able to call out and "champion" as my wife calls it the best in each of us and we are so sad to leave the healing walls of his therapeutic practice behind us in BC. He was a friend as well as a marriage and family therapist and we are praying to find a shrink & therapist in AB to match that hight level of soul & medical care in Calgary. It comes down as well to finding true support for us with Atara's family so near and hopefully some christian community that will embrace us like a family.

Father thank you for BK and all the people he helps Bp and otherwise. Thank you for his shepherding heart and please bring us another shepherd to help us in counselling and life with bp. You are ever wise & ever loving.
In Jesus name

To move or not move in with Bipolar FiL

Well here's another twist in the rather unordinary life of the bipolar canuck.

My wife's parents & brothers from Calgary have offered to help buy us a house if we move back to Alberta and leave beautiful BC.
This is the 3rd time someone has offered to buy us a house.

But the cost? It may be a heavy emotional price but with pros and cons...
My FiL was diagnosed bipolar a year before we got married and two years before I was. He is a classic bp I, with huge control issues. My wife is loathe to enter that family system again, as she feels she was able to individuate more once we moved to BC and settled in lovely Langley (1hour outside Vancouver, BC). They are lovely people, way healthier than my crazy family and unlike my blood relatives, the inLaws would be able to help look after the girls...and we could go on date nights more and have some babysitting help.

But the flipside is we always end up doing things their way. It is kinds weird, but unless we give my FiL the reigns, their is just an air of weirdness that can ruin any family gathering. The bp bond we have as his son in law though does unite us in some ways, but he is still a "closet" bipolar and never admits or openly talks about his condition unlike blabber-mouth here :P
He is also unable to work due to the severity of his illness, and I can still (hopefully) do p/t now and then.

Anyways is a house worth personal freedom? I wonder sometimes...It sure would beat my 2 bedroom basement suite and we gotta think of the girls....but we also don't want to live under a totalitarian reign again.

Plus BK our super shrink is here and he is my "non=medication" talk therapy that keeps me and the Mrs. in bipolar blissland,

ack.

God of all wisdom who knows our hearts and the plights of thousands of broke gen-X ers, who are forced into servitude with their parents.....grant us loving widsom to make the best decision, in any and all bp situations.
Because you love us with an everlasting love.
amen