Trusting He will take care of it all

Not sure where to start.
Really trying to manage my stress as I am so frustrated with finding work.

I will give you my website so you can see who I am but lets keep a secret ok...you will have to piece together the words as I do not want "google" finding my site:

www.      mr      ra   y      z   .com

See. I think I have a good thing going, but there has been tons of epic fails:

• Xmas campaigne: rawk while you shop...for sure i thought parents would be there enjoying a concert while the other spouse went shopping. kids looked after and having fun. NOTHING
• Homeschooling concert.This is next week and NOBODY has bought any tickets(ok 2kids)
  i do not understand this. i thought for sure parents would come.

I also realize thatthe only reason I made money on the last concerts is because they are themed dress up concerts (valentines, St.Pattys)...music was just a side bonus

Well ....looks like Mr Rz is gonna be dead soon...at least during the week...an occasional weekend booking....gotta keep looking and trusting my God for a job to take care of my family.

A real job

Stress WTF no calls?

Think stress is trying to knock me out.

Tons of resumes sent out. NOT ONE CALL. Very very unusual for me. fuck fuck.

*sigh*

In totally unrelated news: thrivewithbipolar.com Rawls!

Ok that's about all I got.

Waiting

So I know that sometimes God just wants us to partner with him to work towards his loving purposes in our life.

The plan can be as vague as " work to provide for your family"

Rarely do I think that means he tells us EXACTLY what to do, but he gives you a bunch of options and clues to what you are good at.

So I am trying not to freak out when I have NO GOOD OPTIONS for work right now.

The kids music business is sucking ass now.

And nothing on the job market looks good or would fit into something p/t that I would like to do. So wait on God is my best approach.

Oh and I was in a low depression for about 13 days before today. Stress perhaps?

Refocus on Jesus

Getting outta this tailspin

Been getting a couple strong bouts of depression today. The nuggets punch came when my hopes were crushed because of an arts grant I would not get this year ( my fault spent 2 days filling it out all wrong.fuk. And it is due in 2 days and I do not have any more time to fix this)

I have been stressed out over not getting any responses or emails back re:work and had put all of my he into this Mr Rayz $15000 grant. Ain't gonna work now. Have to re focus and put my heart and trust and faith into Gods hands.

No other way out of this but to put my complete confidence and trust in my God who loves me and will alway always provide for me and my families needs.

I choose to believe you are good, know already what I needed and I thank you Father God.
In Jesus name, amen R

1st store/ "Birthday guy"

1st children's store had another 3 child turn out.
Well 2 new kids from FB and 1 from church.

6 CDS are in store. Sold to date: 0/6

Zero.

On the bright side,I am really relieved and content to be the
"birthday guy"
There are a lot of children musicians that end up just being p/t performers
Or entertainers that no one knows shit about.
I googled tons.
Not everyone gets to be like B&L on Treehouse.

I get it.
S
Now I can lower my expectations of myself and stop stressing over trying to be the next fucking wiggles. Fuck.

So glad I did not book a huge venue for a Saturday show: like fuckin Trico, I would be throwing away another:$800

Feel a lot of peace about finding another job. Hope I get called back for this $20hr family worker job.

Seacrest out!

"I can stress myself out just fine, thank you..."

Man have I ever stressed myself out today.

Phone marketing to maybe 10 places: 9 seniors for "Skiffle for Seniors" cigarbox uke I am trying to make and 1 phone call to the Catholic Schoolboard.

It is my responsibility
It is my responsibility
It is my responsibility

I choose this life: to be Mr Ray, children's musician.
I have no one else to blame. So when I feel the suffocating weight of "holy fuck  i am gonna starve me and my family doing this fucking self employment job"..*sigh* it is mine alone to bear.

Just have to pray, take deep breaths and really get into marketing, contacting and now busking. Last resort but I need to make money...and who knows? maybe busking will be an amazing success for me.

Deppressed that no one has bought my cd: i have probrably sold maybe 12 cds....$144 ( gave some at a discounted price)....gave more than 50 away...I am in the red $2500 still and seeing no return.

ah well, at least with my SEO thing I realize that what I want to happen is :
"get young families, moms and kids to come to my shows!"

That is as simple a mission statement that I can get.

Deep breath.

God please please help me...I am making no money at this ministry and I need you to bless it and open up doors!
Thank you and sorry for being grumpy,

Ray