God ,Nina & worship

During worship at church today God spoke and gave me a couple pics as I w thinking/missing Nina:

1) my family & I were gathering around the throne worshipping Jesus from here and Nina joined us as she was worshipping him in our circle in heaven. We get to participate in what Nina is doing now, but only in part.

2)Nina touching Jesus'S Face. She has an intimacy with Jesus we get once we get to glory too.

Really cool. I really miss her and love her and am working on a song called "One Day"

One day I will see her in heaven....

One day Jesus will embrace us both

:D

Nina Memory & Storybook

Thats me and my Neener.

One day I will see her again

I am going to start to work on a memory book for her.

I so remember Nina dancing around during a rockin out worship time at Godrock on a Friday night and I am sure we were lie 19 or 20.

Sooo good that she is home with God and it is so precious that God reminds me of her often with such beautiful memories of her. Than you Jesus =D grateful and on this rememberance day I remember the sacrifices made by peace keepers and my beautiful twin sister Nina.

Micah, being a Twin w/Nina

3 out of 5 pucks

"With Micah I am going to teach you how to be still"-God

Just spending time in God's presence as I try to "father-nurse" Micah to sleep. Realized he doesn't like me singing him a lullaby to get sleepy. Also reminded by the Holy Spirit of Nina & I in the womb as babies.

here is my family with my twin Nina & I at 1.5 years.
had a sense today that maybe i felt responsible  for my twin being sick/special needs in the womb...maybe thats why i always felt uncomfortale around her and would distance myself.

Precious Nina's 1 yr heaven dat is this week...i love her and miss her dearly but she is living the richest life imaginable with our Saviour Jesus. This life counts for nothing if he is not your God--believe me!

Jesus i love you ...thank you for taking care of my beloved older twin sister Nina

amen

grieving & bipolar

2 out of 5 pucks.

The past 3 days have been brutal. It is my birthday this Friday which I share with my twin sister who passed away last August. I know that is staring to hit me in deep deep ways how much I miss her though she is "safe with Jesus" now [that is a fact: God showed me a picture today of her with Him in heaven and my shared umbilical cord going to heaven where Nina is]

It is hard trying to figure out if the low grade depression that started Sunday is part of my grief or just the Bp cycle. I know I cried today as I mourned for her, so grief is huge and I just need to ride the wave with God. I am stil able to work and do what I need to do but I ebb and flow with a lack of energy.

Here are my low grade bipolar depression symptoms:

-low energy...need to sleep alot to replenish myself
-crabby

but NO suicidal thoughts ( I just haven't had them since Jesus came into my life at 16...over 21 years ago)
-and no low self esteem thoughts...I have a pretty good life and am grateful for His Love that helps and empowers me to live fully

My wife prayed for me today and had a picture from God of me "wearing a snorkel and trying to swim in this huge ocean....I wanted to do so much and God was holding me afloat....sustaining me"

Pretty much how I felt today and am encouraged that besides my meds, God is actively loving and helping me.

I'll tell you how these next few days go....keep me in your prayers.

Father God,
Thanks for holding me as I try to swim in this endless ocean of life....you keep me afloat in all my troubles.
I am grateful for your love that is unbreakable and a huge source of my strength. I lean my grief entirely on you!
In Jesus name. amen

3 out of 5 pucks

I will see her again. I miss her, but I am gonna let go of her because the reality is Nina is in heaven dancing with Jesus and experiencing true love, joy and companionship with her Maker that is unparrallelled here on earth.

I can't wait to see her again one day in heaven! Something to look forward to...being reunited in the arms of my Father God with my older twin sister Nina by her side.

"I'll always know where you are" Avielle's song she sang and wrote (my almost 4 yr old girl)..about Jesus and Nina in heaven too.

Dad-God:

Remind me of the reality that my older twin Nina is with you and is safe and more than ok now. completely satisfied and whole with unlimited access to YOU. Remind me that I will see her again in Your Kingdom in paradise.

in Jesus name,
Amen
R

Aug 12th- Jesus & Nina

Avielle to me while I was helping to put her to sleep and cuddling her in my arms:

" I see Jesus & Nina dancing on the (bed) blankets"

sooooo coool!

in sorrow & joy,
Ray

New Feeling of Loss #1

ok somewhere between -1000 and 3 pucks out of 5...is that bipolar enuff for ya:P

So i miss Nina. Today I had my first eureka experience of profound loss. I went bike riding for the first time with my wife & 2 girls (3.5 yr and 1.5 yrs) and while we were picking wild blackberries I said "Hey I can't wait to share this moment with Nina".
But she's gone and with Jesus now.
It is like when I first became a Dad and I learned what it meant to have God's Father-heart. Having Avielle awakened brand new experiences of love & protection I never had before.

*Extention I*
just put Cassia to sleep with Avielle. Avi was singing to her.We were lying on the bed..Then I told her how much I missed Nina and out of the blue Avi said:
"I see God dancing with Nina. Jesus has pants, black jacket and a blue bow tie & Nina is wearing a wedding dress...sparkly dress...."
so how bout that...Praise God thank you jesus