My music career is almost dead

So I try and try but now I need to look for a f/t job to look after my family.

Everyone says"you are so great at doing music for kids"

But no one comes to my concerts.

No one.

God ,Nina & worship

During worship at church today God spoke and gave me a couple pics as I w thinking/missing Nina:

1) my family & I were gathering around the throne worshipping Jesus from here and Nina joined us as she was worshipping him in our circle in heaven. We get to participate in what Nina is doing now, but only in part.

2)Nina touching Jesus'S Face. She has an intimacy with Jesus we get once we get to glory too.

Really cool. I really miss her and love her and am working on a song called "One Day"

One day I will see her in heaven....

One day Jesus will embrace us both

:D

Nina Memory & Storybook

Thats me and my Neener.

One day I will see her again

I am going to start to work on a memory book for her.

I so remember Nina dancing around during a rockin out worship time at Godrock on a Friday night and I am sure we were lie 19 or 20.

Sooo good that she is home with God and it is so precious that God reminds me of her often with such beautiful memories of her. Than you Jesus =D grateful and on this rememberance day I remember the sacrifices made by peace keepers and my beautiful twin sister Nina.

More reconcilliation Dleduc

Seems like God is bringing even more resolution from my past

Forgot to mentiOn that the same morning as I brace myself to make amends with Eric,
I find Dleduc on FB.

I treated him like shit. Former roommate and helluva nice guy.

Consigned for his first MC and maxEd it out. I owe him close to $1500 if not more.

That was over 10 years ago

My tally includes:

DHare : $2000+ for car/rent loans since 97'
Rbirkenbach/ CIN 95: $3500 for school on the special needs child certificate I always use!
Since 95

God please help me to take responsibility of what I clearly owe to people and make amends
Amen

whoops (nov 11 update: i owe Dleduc $3-4000)

Bromance with Eric is over

if you know your brother has something against you, come and show him his fault
And then if you win your brother over, go present your gift to the altar
Mathew 5:23
If your brother wrongs you, go and show him his fault, between you and him privately. If he listens to you, you have won back your brother.
Mathew 18

Well after 6 months of not talking I initiated a talk so we could resolve things
We agreed to disagree. His approach to blasting people with letters is unchanged and he was unrepentant. To his credit he did say that he needs letters to communicate his thoughts and he could've tried a bit more gentleness. He also did say he was in a wounded place and kind of unsettled after a shit exp in winnipeg somhe was grumpy --the end I think 3 things:

1) I was more into him as a friend than he was to me: I blubbered that I loved him, was hurt bad by him and missed his friendship. He smiled but did try hard to reciprocate..

2) he's a loose cannon. All of his prophetic rebukes don't have a community/church/friends to help back up his "opinions/words from God". If he feels God is convicting him to speak out harshly against sOmeone, he better have the fucking backing of someone else who follows the same God and agrees with him, or else it's here is the fruit.

Tried to reason with him that he was doing more harm than good in tearing down his brothers instead of edifying them.

And his " I like to send a letter, let them process my rebuke and wait for them to respond is kinda fucked up. Why would people respond to you if you yell at them?

I now am a bit skeptical of his "judgements" and "prophesies"

Like he burns down a house and after people get out he tells them why he burned the house down in the first place. Much better to give the people an explanation why he has to set the house on fire and lovingly guide them out.*sigh* whatever

3) seems like he has never been wrong in his life, and enjoys being right.

Anyways it was a man- break up and I feel a lot of peace that I said my peace and tried hard to listen to him. But now have regulated him to the 2nd- maybe 3rd tier of friendships that I don't really want to pursue at all.

Ah well. Better to know and grow through this now the later.

He's heading down a dangerous path as a lone wolf by himself and now I question the validity of why he always has conflict at churches and has had so many lost ministry experiences

Ah well. Better to leave this alone . God'll work things out with him
God bless Eric.

Lots of reconciling & business learning

Ok at the end of the day I get weirded out by people bartering with me for services.
3 coffee shops,1 bookstore, city of Calgary & libraries and YMCA & Discovery House Shelter and nobody haggles prices with me but this huge conglomerate says:

We spend $5000 on advertising so we need you to do 10 shows for free to pay for advertising your kids shows. Meanwhile everyone else is like " cool do my coffee shop lets split advertising. Bye

As well I am learning about spiritual warfare and not slandering anybody.
James 3: True wisdom

Gonna read it now.

Stay blessed!

My God's words to me

@ NCV I just really felt like worshipping in a way that my soul was yelling out how much I loved father God and how much I needed him.

As I pushed back all of my anxieties and fears
He scooped me up I his arms & loved me

1)don't be add afraid to worship me cause you have to look after your kids( and are distracted)
That's so silly and ridiculous

Pic: yellow brick road leading to Gods heart for my kids to follow as I lay my heart open to Jesus

2) Jesus radio frequency:Tune in to my voice to drown out all the raging loud voices of your fears anxieties and enemy's lies

3)pic: my guitar in God's room at the altar.
"need to worship and not just work-minister with my guitar

1st store/ "Birthday guy"

1st children's store had another 3 child turn out.
Well 2 new kids from FB and 1 from church.

6 CDS are in store. Sold to date: 0/6

Zero.

On the bright side,I am really relieved and content to be the
"birthday guy"
There are a lot of children musicians that end up just being p/t performers
Or entertainers that no one knows shit about.
I googled tons.
Not everyone gets to be like B&L on Treehouse.

I get it.
S
Now I can lower my expectations of myself and stop stressing over trying to be the next fucking wiggles. Fuck.

So glad I did not book a huge venue for a Saturday show: like fuckin Trico, I would be throwing away another:$800

Feel a lot of peace about finding another job. Hope I get called back for this $20hr family worker job.

Seacrest out!

No Way Out

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We will never have the money or resources to leave Calgary.

Brutal

Ok...backing tracks=ass?

ok so there is a popular kids music duo called B&L.

I can see how they have music videos on treehouse now and yes of course i have been jealous of their fame.

but the whole time i kept preening to myself " yeah but those bitches don't even play their own instruments! FAKERS!"

"Anyone can jump and lip sync to backing tracks..."

well NOW who's the Dumbass? ( everyone point at me...yep...get your neighbours in on this too...)

((SIGH...yeah those 3 gay looking fucks playin keys ( synth drums, bass and acoustic) are their band.

doh!! fuckin d'oh!
They have a fucking band with them..some guitar guy and a bass guy..and they just worry about lead vocals...

those sassy bitches are fuckin BRILLIANT!

My backing tracks suck ASS when I am leading a song with them. ..fuck..me

I have been mocking B&L b/c those bitches can't be spontaneous when they have a backing track...but fuck me! They can have a real organic show with a band to follow them around...

*sigh*

i just can't win